Every Christian aims to be in Heaven, whose attributes cannot be likened to the pleasures of this world. Joy and happiness are associated with pleasure, which is the aim of every normal human being. In this world, there are people whose joy and happiness are derived from other people’s suffering.
There are people known to never grant beingness to other fellow humans. Recognizing such people can be critical because the bad conditions of this world are caused by their existence. Those people randomly cause havoc, as long as allowed to be in positions of authority. This describes a condition of insanity that can be undetectable among the people we live with.
Most marriages are contained in a state of degradation, assumed to be what is approved by God. A spouse assumes that happiness comes from being spoilt by a husband or by a wife. This is common, especially among those identifying themselves as Christians, using Scriptures to justify such evil conduct. Their marriage would be a relationship of criticism after criticism, going unchecked, because of misapplication of the Scriptures.
Good marriages are, not necessarily governed by dos and don’ts. Truly happy marriages are those conscious of the principle of considering others as one would like to be considered. Suppose one married a lazy wife, unable to cook. Or suppose a woman married a husband who assumes happiness implies being soaked in alcohol. Does that describe typical examples of unhappy marriages?
One could be tempted to suggest that such characters should be combined in marriage rather than inflict suffering on others. It is well-documented that most marriages are sustained in such typical cases. Others die early, due to exposure to such abuse. The Bible is commonly used to justify tolerating such kind of abuse, instead of the Bible being used to address anomalies.
Using the Bible as a tool to prolong unworkable marriages has always been the reason for sustaining such irregularities. The greater part of human suffering comes from the inability to confront. But the first human to confront, in this life, is oneself. I shudder to imagine how people entertain entering into marital agreements when having not first confronted themselves.
Everything that needs handling requires a gradient approach. One cannot expect to control a city, before controlling his household. Similarly, a person cannot control a household, before controlling him/herself. First things need handling first, before handling what follows afterwards. Let’s use the two identified characters as typical examples of unhappy marriages.
What should a woman, entangled in marriage with a drunkard do? As stated earlier, this could have been handled, had the woman been informed about confronting herself, before marriage. The after-effects may be more difficult, but still possible to handle, when starting with confronting the self. It can never be too late to confront oneself.
The ability to confront another is possible, only when having first confronted oneself. However, the principle of confronting should not be confused with fighting. In our context, confronting refers to facing up, to address problematic areas. The stable datum would be advancing the greatest good to the majority. Living aims to advance livingness at all times.
Having managed to confront oneself one would be fully equipped to confront her spouse. In the physical universe, when the light confronts darkness, the darkness disappears. That happens to be the effect of confronting when conducted by an informed personality. This formula was recommended by the apostle Peter.
“Wives, in the same way, be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behaviour of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. Your beauty should not come from outward adornments, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewellery and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, which is of great worth in God’s sight” (1 Peter 3:1-4 NIV).
The inner self being referred to, emerges after having confronted the self. The inner self is not necessarily identified by gender. It would be a Godly image projecting its radiance, similarly to how light projects radiance. Wife submission implies assuming the role of a wife with dignity, rather than submission to immorality. Succumbing to doing the wrong thing is not submission but capitulating.
The wife being referred to is not a weakling. She has the fibre to resist evil but is influential in causing the right behaviour. This describes the effect of light on the environment. The glowing light brings order and workability. But, more so, through effective communication, the wife manages to handle her husband. Her ability to confront herself enables confront her husband.
There are cases of abuse, where state laws may be necessary. The handling of such possibilities implies a willingness to confront, as everything can be handled by those willing to confront. For believers, it may be necessary to consult Church elders, according to Biblical directions, although Jesus insinuated coexisting with uncooperative partners (Matthew 19:9).
What is essential is appreciating that a spiritual person is senior to everything physical. That spiritual person is capable of driving out demons and restoring order. The more the spirit is available, the more order exists. The spirit is capable of putting order, without coercion. Physical force is of the physical world.
The power of Christianity is highly effective, but not enforced by armaments. The militia that sought to arrest Jesus invited Peter’s instinct to fight back. But Jesus commanded Peter to behave differently: “Put your sword away! Shall I not drink the cup the Father has given me?” (John 18:11 NIV).
Whatever difficult situation a Christian might face, God would have allocated it to him/her. All Christians receive different trials, requiring them to handle them according to the spirit. The difficult husband might be one of such trials for the individual.
Spiritual battles are won by the love principle, even with reason to hate. The freed beings are not afraid of death. Hence, they are willing to confront anything, aiming at mending rather than tearing. The challenges faced in this world should be confronted with dignity, but remaining focused.
It is easier to handle abusive wives, than handling abusive husbands. Due to their masculinity, men are predisposed to control. A man who has confronted himself can easily be a better provider. He could feel comfortable, even cooking for her lazy wife. Similarly, wives could be won over, through their husbands’ nobility.
A bad environment invites confronting by those able to face up to themselves. Wicked things are a result of leadership deficiency. A man was born to lead. But he cannot lead his family, if unable to lead himself. This world requires that leaders should be served, but in Jesus, leaders are expected to serve.
A lazy wife could be served to her satisfaction by a hardworking husband. When fully equipped with the ability to confront, hardworking husbands can handle anything. They do not blame anyone, except confronting and handling anything. From such people, community leaders would emerge.
Good people leave an imprint of good works behind them. Misaligned marriages can still project happiness. The fruits of love are unimaginable, producing unexpected results. Paul insinuated love as being the most important factor in relationships (1 Corinthians 13:13). The apostle Peter also echoed similar sentiments: “Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins” (1 Peter 4:8 NIV).
Jesus’ teachings are ignored, out of ignorance. This world offers nothing as workable as love. Most people misunderstand love, which has nothing to do with receiving. Love is a condition of giving, more than one should dwell on expecting to receive what is considered due to one.
Love is the principle of giving one’s best to the other fellow. What is given to others is what determines character. This implies avoiding questions about what the other person does to one. Let us invalidate the idea that there is an obligation to give things to God. The idea of giving to God is peddled by criminals, whose intentions are to receive from poor people.
God is a giver, whose greatest gift is life, to anyone living. Who pays for the lovely sunshine? Who pays for the air we breathe? Let alone the granted ability to work and obtain food on the table. God does not demand repayment for all those necessities. But God expects one’s attitude to resemble His, to access happiness and good living.
Ordinary people should not consider giving as an obligation to appease God or receive His love. This comes from falsified information from conmen, designed to coax people to part with their hard-earned income. Giving is a principle that is generated by love, more than it being a conditional command. Love is consistently a pattern, demonstrated by Jesus on the cross.
Love is triggered by the consideration of supplying the greatest good to the majority. When a person sacrifices his interests to serve others, he would be doing so out of love, rather than personal remuneration. The Good Samaritan who assisted a brutalized person was not driven by the consideration of what he would get afterwards.
Love caused him to risk his own life saving a person in that predicament. The concerns of the priest and the Levi that had bypassed the injured fellow did not cross his mind. The Good Samaritan projected God’s mind, even though having not been a renowned lawkeeper. The priest and the Levi were probably renowned for being obedient to God’s Laws, but unable to project God’s mind.
The Good Samaritan fulfilled the principle of Love, as opposed to those assumed Law-keepers. That parable shows a man who even committed himself to settle outstanding bills, on behalf of the injured person. The injured person may, or may not have had the ability or the opportunity to express his gratitude to his helper. But that is immaterial.
The Good Samaritan did not feel owed anything by that poor fellow. His conscience was at peace, having done what he could humanly do, under the circumstances. It is not always possible to give more than we possibly can give. But our condition of living should always answer the question of what we give to others. A person talented in playing football does so with a passion, as he gives his best to entertain multitudes.
His life would be driven by what God created him to be. It would be unfair to expect him to do anything else, having nothing to do with his passion for football. Each person was born with some talent, which may not be understood by others. There is no need to listen to other people, but appreciate one’s identity, before committing to serve accordingly.
Jesus’ mission was greater than any other mission, but the principle is the same. Jesus was not an exception. He did not waste time doing other things in this world, but being on His Father’s business. His parents could not understand Him, for the same reason that parents may not understand their children when committed to their Godly passions.
When his parents saw him, they were astonished. His mother said to him, “Son, why have you treated us like this? Your father and I have been anxiously searching for you.” Why were you searching for me?” he asked. “Didn’t you know I had to be in my Father’s house?” But they did not understand what he was saying to them (Luke 2:48-50 NIV).
Every child would be aware of their calling into this world. It is often the parents who manipulate children to do other things, out of wanting to control them. It takes children who would behave like Jesus to be able to overcome such obstacles. This is where confronting would be called for.
Each person is a product of God, just as Jesus was a product of God. There is no need to seek to please anyone on earth, except to please one’s creator. This happens to be a principle left by Jesus, for adoption by those sincerely desiring to be His followers. The first thing is to identify oneself, before adopting the reason why one exists on earth.
The second thing is to confront the obstacles that cause a person to fail to do what God called one to do on earth. The third thing is to link everything with Jesus’ behavior, without considering what people in one’s environment might say. One cannot go wrong, as long as taking the behavioural standard from Jesus.
Andrew Masuku is the author of Dimensions of a New Civilization, laying down standards for uplifting Zimbabwe from the current state of economic depression into a model for other nations worldwide. A decaying tree provides an opportunity for a blossoming sprout. Written from a Christian perspective, the book is a product of inspiration, bringing relief to those who have witnessed the strings of unworkable solutions––leading to the current economic and social decay. Most Zimbabweans should find the book as a long-awaited providential oasis of hope, in a simple conversational tone.
The Print copy is now available at Amazon.com for $13.99
Also available as an e-copy at Lulu.com for $6.99
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