Marriage serves as the cornerstone of a prosperous society, promoting stability, continuity, and collective well-being. However, in an age where commitment is frequently eclipsed by ephemeral relationships, the significance of a strong marital bond is often disregarded. While contemporary viewpoints may emphasise wealth, convenience, or momentary allure, lasting marriages are founded on profound, enduring values.
How can divorce be impossible in a world filled with dishonesty and treachery? According to Jesus (Matthew 19:9), divorce is not permissible in Christianity except on the grounds of fornication. It is crucial to clarify that fornication differs from adultery. Incorrect translations in some versions lead to misunderstandings. The original translation, as correctly rendered in the KJV, uses “fornication” instead of “adultery.”
Jesus did not contradict Himself by prohibiting and permitting divorce simultaneously. The foundational principle of marriage is that the initial sexual contact, breaking virginity, establishes a marriage bond. Fornication is often associated with unmarried teenagers engaging in experimental sexual activities. According to God, such an act constitutes a marital bond.
If there is no prior disclosure regarding previous sexual conduct before entering into marriage, discovering such truths during the honeymoon nullifies the marriage. Marrying such an individual is considered adultery. This is what Jesus referred to, as opposed to the act of committing adultery, which can be forgiven. Essentially, failing to disclose the circumstances surrounding the loss of virginity is equivalent to committing adultery. This differs when all matters are openly communicated, revealing the circumstances before entering into any marital covenant.
The discussions surrounding such disclosures do not encompass disagreements regarding the previous marriage; the individual in question should refrain from remarrying as long as their former spouse remains alive. Disclosures may pertain to instances of juvenile sexual abuse, cases of rape, or the death of a spouse in a prior relationship. Ultimately, it is the truth that liberates individuals, including in matters of marital relationships.
Nonetheless, this does not suggest that Christian marriages are sustained by perfect individuals. Those entering marriage do so with the hope of enduring commitment, yet may encounter failure along the journey. This article examines seven essential principles that foster marital success, providing valuable insights for couples striving for a strong and fulfilling union.
- Love Over Logic: The Unshakable Foundation
While initial attraction may spark a relationship, it is insufficient to sustain a lifelong commitment. Marriage transcends mere reasoning or contractual agreements—it demands unconditional love, a divine principle that endures beyond changing circumstances.
- Physical beauty fades, financial stability fluctuates, and life’s unpredictability tests even the strongest bonds. However, true love is not considerate of such things.
- Scripture affirms that love is sacrificial (Ephesians 5:25), requiring spouses to prioritise each other’s well-being above personal desires.
- A marriage anchored in love—rather than convenience or superficial traits—weathers life’s storms with resilience. The most important issue is that, as humans, we are all susceptible to sin.
- The Power of Prayer in Marriage
Prayer is not merely a ritual but a transformative force in marriage. Yet, many pray with self-centred motives rather than seeking God’s will for their union. The principle of prayer in marriage seeks to benefit another, rather than oneself.
- Jesus modelled prayer as surrender to God’s purpose (Matthew 26:39). Likewise, couples should pray: “Make me the best partner for my spouse.” Christian treachery is exposed, where prayer seeks to change the other person to be suitable to oneself.
- Love, like Christ’s tolerance toward Judas, requires grace—even when a spouse falls short. A person cannot condemn another person without condemning oneself.
- Prayer fortifies patience, selflessness, and the ability to bear one another’s burdens (Galatians 6:2). Prayer takes away vulnerability, as the person would be closer to God through effective prayer.
- Embracing Different Life Missions
Marriage unites two individuals with distinct God-given purposes. Conflicts arise when one spouse imposes expectations rather than supporting the other’s journey. While husbands are expected to love their wives, wives are expected to submit, aiming to support their husbands. The wife adopts the name of her husband, so that she becomes his identity. However, this does not mean a loving husband would not allow his wife to pursue her dreams.
- Just as Judas and Paul each played distinct roles in God’s plan, spouses must honour one another’s unique journeys. While marriage unites two into one, it is essential to remember that we remain spiritual individuals, each with our own mysteries.
- Avoid judging; instead, offer freedom for personal growth (Romans 14:4). There is no judgment expected to be passed towards one another. Married partners are not each other’s policemen.
- True love accepts a spouse as they are, trusting God’s work in their life.
- Sharing Burdens: The Weight of ‘Baggage’
Marriage means inheriting not just a partner, but their responsibilities, struggles, and past conditions.
- Ruth’s loyalty to Naomi (Ruth 1:16-17) exemplifies commitment beyond personal gain. The principle of outgoing concern is invaluable in sustaining marriages.
- Love “covers a multitude of sins” (1 Peter 4:8), urging spouses to uplift rather than resent each other’s flaws. The focus should be on wins, rather than flaws. The two having become one, it becomes impossible to distinguish their problems.
- A spouse can either alleviate or exacerbate the many challenges the other spouse might have. Ask: “Am I adding value to my spouse’s life, or adding to their burdens?”
- The Uncertainty of the Future
No couple can predict life’s twists—illness, financial loss, or changing circumstances.
- Infatuation clouds judgment; lasting love requires discernment and faith (Proverbs 3:5-6). It is impossible for a person focusing on spiritual matters to be overcome by infatuation, which is sustained in physical attractions.
- Prepare for challenges while hoping for the best—resilience stems from foresight. As this is a physical world, one must remain cognizant of its transient nature. Unexpected changes should not come as a surprise to anyone.
- Trust in God’s sovereignty over the unknown (Jeremiah 29:11). It is best to cherish relationships while remaining mindful of potential changes, such as loss or disappointment.
- Pride vs. Authenticity
Pride undermines intimacy by promoting pretence. A strong marriage flourishes through vulnerability, enabling both forgiveness and the act of being forgiven. The journey of a Christian mirrors the trials encountered by Abraham throughout his life until his passing.
- David’s repentance (Psalm 51) and Paul’s transparency (1 Timothy 1:15) illustrate that humility fosters stronger relationships and liberates individuals from the weight of guilt.
- Concealing flaws generates distrust, while honesty encourages deeper connections. A humble individual is required to acknowledge wrongdoings and seek forgiveness. True freedom lies in humility, not in pride.
- “Dignity” is being genuine and aware of not being perfect. There is a delicate balance between maintaining dignity and displaying pride. King David, in an act of humility, allowed Shimei, a seemingly insignificant figure, to curse him without restraint, even though his bodyguards perceived this as a threat to the king’s dignity (2 Samuel 16:5-14).
- The Lifeline of Communication
Effective communication is the oil that prevents marital friction. The preceding pillars require effective communication for their effectiveness.
- Listen first—true understanding precedes resolution. Justification commonly serves only to drive a wedge between contentious issues (James 1:19). However, effective listening fosters a deeper understanding, focusing on addressing issues rather than targeting personalities. Understanding before being understood should remain the primary aim of a good communicator.
- Nonverbal cues (tone, body language) often speak louder than words. An effusive smile conveys much in fostering love and also inspires a willingness to listen to others. Without maintaining spiritual hygiene, effective communication becomes unattainable..
- Arguments should not be mistaken for communication. A marriage in which both partners feel heard is more likely to endure. Achieving this requires understanding that effective communication involves prioritising listening over the desire to be heard.
Conclusion: A Call to Commitment
Marriage, while demanding, is a sacred institution intended for personal growth, companionship, and the creation of a lasting legacy. By prioritising love over logic, engaging in selfless prayer, embracing differences, sharing responsibilities, preparing for life’s uncertainties, rejecting pride, and fostering open communication, couples establish unions that honour God and contribute to the betterment of society. A deteriorating society reflects the decline in the quality of marital relationships.
For further guidance, keep in touch with www.civilization.co.zw or seek counsel from trusted spiritual mentors. A flourishing marriage is not founded on perfection but on perseverance, grace, and an unwavering dedication to serving within that union. Engaging in prayer and seeking communication with God can be invaluable, yet it is essential to consider the message behind Paul’s “thorn in the flesh” illustration (2 Corinthians 12:7-10). Let us give glory to God in striving for excellence within marriages.
Andrew Masuku is the author of Dimensions of a New Civilisation, laying down standards for uplifting Zimbabwe from the current state of economic depression into a model for other nations worldwide. A decaying tree provides an opportunity for a blossoming sprout. Written from a Christian perspective, the book is a product of inspiration, bringing relief to those who have witnessed the strings of unworkable solutions, leading to the current economic and social decay. Most Zimbabweans should find the book as a long-awaited providential oasis of hope, in a simple conversational tone.
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