The Purpose of Lobolo
Key Question: Why is lobolo paid, and what is its true significance? No responsible father would ever willingly exchange his daughter for anything. Many marital issues stem from the improper application of the principle of lobolo (bride price). According to Biblical teachings, the man, as the head of the family, is expected to pay lobolo. However, in certain cultures, the wife is required to make the payment, resulting in children taking the wife’s surname instead of the husband’s. This raises the critical question of why lobolo must be paid at all. Every practice should have a legitimate reason for its institution.
Misconception: Lobolo is often misapplied as a “sale” of the bride, leading to marital conflicts. However, when taken from a Biblical perspective, the lobola carries a significant reality whose adoption nullifies divorces, which trouble marriages in modern societies. Conversely, when viewed as a commercial practice, there would be an aspect of entitlement. This introduces misunderstandings, as a woman should not be viewed as subhuman.
Lobolo is affirmed in the Bible, where scriptural accounts suggest that sons-in-law, rather than daughters-in-law, initiated the practice. For example, Abraham’s servant proposed it on behalf of Isaac in the case of Rebecca (Genesis 24:53). Similarly, Jacob committed to working seven years for Rachel (Genesis 29:18). Thus, the bridal price (Lobolo) was not imposed by the father-in-law but originated from the groom’s dedication to the bride. A responsible male goes out of his way to take the responsibility of marrying to establish a family.
The father-in-law did not propose the bridal price. Even the additional seven years Jacob served as the bridal price for his second wife were a consequence of Laban’s deceitful actions, as the narrative recounts. Nevertheless, the initial seven years of labour to marry Laban’s daughter stemmed from Jacob’s own proposal rather than a demand from Laban.
Cultural Challenges in Zimbabwe
Current Practice: Fathers-in-law set arbitrary prices, shifting focus from commitment to negotiation. This takes away the responsibility, so that commercialisation kicks in. What responsible father would like to exchange his daughter for anything? The bride should be the one offering to surrender his own life for the woman that he considers to be his wife. This implies a demonstration of sacrifice on his part, rather than going by the dictations of his father-in-law.
Negative Effects:
The son-in-law pays, not out of his own volition but out of fear of ngozi (curses), which pressures grooms into unfair payments. As long as the aspect of fear is considered, the principle of love would, accordingly, not be present. The bride remains a stranger to her husband throughout the span of that marriage. The bride may consider the price exorbitant, as it to strain the marriage and perpetuate social issues. Hence, Jesus has to be the focus, rather than commercialisation.
A Gesture of Gratitude: As expected, Jacob committed himself to an additional seven years of service following Laban’s deception. He could not have done so without love. The Bible illustrates that Jacob would not have undertaken such a commitment if the matter had solely concerned Leah, without regard for his cherished Rachel.
God establishes practical and equitable principles, which stand in stark contrast to the harmful practices common in modern times. As Paul advised the Corinthians, generosity should arise not from compulsion (2 Corinthians 9:7) but from a willing and sincere heart, akin to the noble bridal offerings of Biblical times. A voluntary obligation originates from heartfelt intention, rather than the coercion of external pressures. The principle reveals that the groom’s willingness reflects genuine love, similar to Jesus laying down His life for the Church (Ephesians 5:25).
Marriage as Covenant: Lobolo signifies lifelong unity, mirroring Christ and the Church. In this context, submission entails setting aside one’s personal interests to prioritise the bride’s interests in all matters of living. She seeks to align herself with her husband’s goals rather than follow her own ambitions. Likewise, a husband who has devoted everything to his wife may occasionally choose to forego certain benefits for her well-being. In a well-founded marriage, dictatorship cannot exist, as the husband’s ultimate goal is always to bring joy to his wife.
Understanding the principle of paying the bridal price establishes a foundation for deeply principled marriages. It symbolises the inseparability of the couple, reflecting the integrity and unity inherent in marriage. Paul uses this analogy to highlight the significance of the Church, which is meant to be united with Jesus in such an intimate way that separating the Church from Jesus becomes inconceivable. Without the payment of the bridal price, which must carry considerable value, it is unlikely to form a lasting and meaningful marriage.
Practical Solutions
Reject Coercion: Fathers-in-law should never impose a fee as a price tag on their daughters. Lobolo should be given freely, but expressing sacrifice by the son-in-law (2 Corinthians 9:7), not under duress. The purpose of marriage should be to establish a principled foundation independent of financial considerations. A monetary basis is inherently artificial, leading many marriages to falter when faced with poverty later. Financial prosperity is never assured in life, just as physical appearances inevitably change due to unforeseen circumstances.
Focus on Love: The groom’s sincerity holds greater significance than the amount of money offered as a guarantee of love. This is significantly so if his commitment to God outweighs the value of the bridal payment, provided his intentions are genuine. A loving father would not feel wronged if a poor son-in-law is unable to provide a substantial lobolo for his daughter, as long as the couple demonstrates true love.
Cultural Reform: Encourage dialogue to realign lobolo in societies with its biblical roots. There is a need to promote voluntary lobolo payments to nurture strong marriages, rather than the current greed reflected in excessive lobolo demands. A marriage built on sacrifice is more likely to endure and contribute to the betterment of the nation. Cultivating a culture of lobolo motivated by love, rather than one driven by demands, is essential.
Final Quote: “A marriage built on sacrifice and covenant thrives; one built on demands falters.” A decadent society emerges when marriages are sustained by demands rather than sacrifices. Christianity should be viewed as a culture that fosters practical solutions, rather than being regarded merely as one among the religions of this world. Christian marriages should serve as the benchmark for human relations.
Andrew Masuku is the author of Dimensions of a New Civilisation, laying down standards for uplifting Zimbabwe from the current state of economic depression into a model for other nations worldwide. A decaying tree provides an opportunity for a blossoming sprout. Written from a Christian perspective, the book is a product of inspiration, bringing relief to those who have witnessed the strings of unworkable solutions, leading to the current economic and social decay. Most Zimbabweans should find the book as a long-awaited providential oasis of hope, in a simple conversational tone.
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